For all of those interested in spending time with their beloved Shay-Shay, and in lieu of contacting you each individually to say that I am sorry for having lost touch, I am inviting you all to a party! Being held at my lovely new apartment. It will be a basic BBQ type party, though I am asking, if you would care to make it more pleasing, to bring some sort of dish, wether it be a side, fruit/veggies or a desert of some sort or another. If you an't bring anything, it's no big deal, and you're still more than welcomed to come. We'll be supplying the basic hamburgers and hotdogs, so the rest is left up to chance. lol.

We plan on holding it the Sunday of June 10th, Starting at 7pm and going until whenever. So if anyone is interested either send me a message or give me a call at 303-817-5188, and I'll give you directions! I hope to see you all.

Happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me... Yep. 20. Such a shitty age to be. But, one more year until I can drink...legally...

Wow...I haven't posted one of these in a looong time. Life seems to get in the way of things, but I think now that winter is over as well as my pseudo-hibernation, I am ready to stop being anti-social for a while. *laugh* Aanyways. Work is good. I am now a full-fledged groomer, certified and making the big bucks commision. Woot for that, though it sometimes drives me insane. Love life is good and steady, no complaints. We plan on moving apartments here in the next month or so, or, if possible, trying to find a house (though I think it highly unlikely this year). Though, either way, when we move we will be adding another member to our family in the canine form. I hope the cat doesn't mind. Though, she seemed to do well when I had my mom's dog over for a while, so I'm not too worried. I think she needs a playmate anyways, she gets lonely when Mike and I are at work. All in all things are looking up. Though, my winter has been spent in the horrid trap that is World of Warcraft...yes, I finally gave in. It saddens my vaguely that my resolve was so weak. Ah well. If anyone in is interested, I play alliance side on the Steamwheedle Cartel server, my main is named Cyzarine. Also! For anyone looking to get ahold of me and finding that my old phone number isn't working...it's because I got a new phone, and that number is 303-817-5188. So yes! If anyone is interested in spending time with me, you now know how to get my attention. lol.

play...wait, pause... play... repeat. and repeat again. And one more time now, repeat....stop.

That seems to be alot how my life is going right now. I grow so weary of the constant replays. And yet, I do nothing to stop them. So, as always, it is my fault for not taking action. But what am I supposed to do? I've never done well at surviving on my own, and god knows he would die without me. I've no love for life, not that I've ever had much to begin with, I've no desire, or drive, passion...nothing. I have become nothing. An insignificant number in the tally of humanity, trudging through life one day at a time, accomplishing nothing, triggering or preventing nothing as well. I place alot of undeserving blame apon him, because he is the only target I have. There are alot of things wrong with me, and alot of those things are very difficult to work through, and I've no idea about how to begin. I'm caught up in a whirlwind of unhappiness with no concievable way out, so I'm trying to drag down anyone that gets close. Completely unintentionally, but it keeps happening. I pushed so many people away in my disillusioned way of trying to save them. Sometimes I wonder if it truly works. I would give anything to save those I love and care for, but refuse to ask for help because I am too prideful and suffer on in relative silence. I don't know what's wrong with me, well, at least not completely. I just wish I had the willpower to fix it....

There's an open invitation to anyone who would like to come over and hang out for new years eve! MY place, lol. Gimme a call or a message if you're interested

you know that feeling of accomplishment and sorrow when you complete something that you really love?


I hate that feeling....

godfucking damnit I HATE MEN. I'm so fucking sick of the same goddamn scene being played out night after night. Of him whining about how he's broken in some goddamn fashion or another, leaving me feeling angry, lonely, and unsatisfied. But does anything ever change? No. Even after promise after promise. It all fucking stays the same. Everything is the fucking same. And of course when I'm upset, I run away. But I'm angry so often now, he doesn't even fucking bother to come after me. but you know what? that's fine. that's just FUCKING FINE. I used to being alone in my mental turmoil. I thought maybe this time would be different, but I knew in my heart it was all the same. He's using me to his selfish means, and I'm going along with it. I can't even count the nights I have cried myself to sleep since I have lived in this fucking place with him. He says he wants to help.... yeah right. No one can help. what makes him think he has the right to keep me in this two-bedroom prison? I have sacrificed -so- much....for nothing. And I really need someone to talk to right now...